One of the most challenging aspects of the how we are being asked to deal with Covid-19 is the emphasis on “social distancing”. As we know, the idea here is that we are meant to physically separate ourselves in order to reduce the likelihood of becoming infected. This is because the virus can be incubated for up to 14 days before actually causing flu-like symptoms to manifest. It seems to me that physical separation is being conflated with social distancing, and they are very much not the same thing. This distinction is really important because social distance or -- in psychologist's jargon – social isolation is often an underlying cause of significant mental illness, like depression.

Human beings are social animals. Our desire to be with other people is as powerful an instinct as eating and drinking. Think about Harry Harlow’s work with monkeys. One of his experiments found that when young monkeys are deprived of maternal love from a real mother monkey, they would choose a soft cloth toy over the wire and wood one. They would choose the soft toy even when they were hungry and the wire and wood monkey was holding a bottle of food. Harlow believed that this indicates that the instinct for gentle touch and comfort could be stronger than the hunger instinct.

Just like monkeys, humans hunger for social connection and the intimacy of touch. The power of this desire is present from birth and is critical to our functioning until death. Physical isolation means less opportunity for physical touch, but it does not also have to mean that we do without social connection. And while human beings socially thrive best on the in-person face-to-face meeting, we can make do with connections through virtual communication.

Let's take this one step further. My concern about the term “social distance” is that it brings to mind additional negative tropes, including:

- Other people are dangerous and should be seen as such (distrust)

- We need to avoid each other, and to look down and look away (avoidance)

- We maroon and concern ourselves with only those on our own little islands (selfishness)

The idea of "social distance" breaks down the social cohesion that we need in our local communities, especially once we get through the physical isolation of Covid-19. There is already too much opportunity for distrust, avoidance and selfishness, and what is needed for us to engage, reach-out and cooperate.

What we need to be doing is the very opposite of socially isolating ourselves. Today, I took my 8-year old daughter to stand outside her good friends' home (they live less than 100 meters away), who were celebrating their birthday, and she played them “Happy birthday” on her violin. We need to keep each other in our minds. We need to socially connect and use our words, both written and spoken, to remind people that we are still in each other’s lives.

We must do the opposite of isolation: we need to call regularly and frequently those we love and cherish. My aunt is in her eighties and self-isolated herself in a home that is far away from family and friends. She could be there for 3 months and perhaps even longer. She needs contact, like we all do. What is more frightening to most human beings is loneliness. She does not want to die, but she certainly does not want to be by herself. So we call her to say that she is not on her own in this, that we love her and that we want her to be there in 6 months so that we can hug her again.

I wish that the politicians and reporters could be more accurate and sensitive with their use of words. The imperative has to be that we have a responsibility to one another, to uphold the social contract needed in this time, both now and after this virus has run its course. That can only happen if we find ways to communicate and connect. We must physically distance ourselves from one another, but we must remain socially close.