Upstairs-Downstairs Brain: The house of thoughts, feelings and reflexes.

I have found that one of the most useful ways to talk about the brain is Daniel Siegel’s ideas about the upstairs brain and downstairs brain. In this article, I describe the metaphor he introduces in the book “The Whole Brained Child” that he wrote with Tina Payne.

In the walnut that is our brain, there are three parts. The outside wrinkly part represents the upstairs of the brain that offers the best views of the world outside. The downstairs internal part of the brain is the part that provides support to the top of the house, and contains the structures that keeps us safe, snug and warm. The basement of brain is the foundation that takes of care of things like heart rate, breathing and reflexes – without which we cannot be alive. All three parts of the brain are necessary for feeling and thinking and cannot exist independently from one another. A sign of mental wellness is to be able to travel between the floors of the brain when the world outside is stormy and unpredictable.

The upstairs is the thinking brain in which we can have the widest view and understanding the world outside and in. It is the rational and logical part of the brain, that plans actions and knows how to respond to whatever is happening outside. The downstairs is the feelings brain in which we experience an emotional response to the world outside. This is the instinctive part of the brain, and it powers the thinking and planning part of the upstairs brain. The basement is filled with the systems for maintaining our body temperature, our balance and basic reflexes, plumbing and systems that allow the house to function, and most of these processes are beneath our conscious awareness.

A lot of people might think that we should spend most of our time upstairs -- that intellect is the way to be. But, it’s more complicated than that.  Thinking is slow, conscious and responsive. In contrast feelings are fast, instant, reactive and filled with energy. Emotions (the downstairs brain) are often important to why we do things. They provide power and motivation to the everyday choices we make like choosing what clothes to wear or what ice cream flavor we want. However, getting stuck in the downstairs brain, without the birds-eye view of rational thinking can also be a problem. Feelings without perspective can sometimes make us go inwards, and this is reflected in behaviors that end up harming ourselves and often others.

It is, however, often hard to distinguish between what is a thought and what is a feeling and to see which parts of the brain are being activated. Sometimes it is like we are standing in the middle of the staircase and being pulled in two directions. For example, fear and anger drag us downwards, sometimes almost to the basement, and we react reflexively because this is a way that our brain often acts in order to keep us safe and alive. Sometimes, we are pulled upwards by logic and planning that feels empty of any emotion, and it is like we are just going through the motions with little purpose and meaning. This is not sadness, but rather apathy (an absence of emotion) which can also negatively impact everyday life.

Thinking and feeling should be integrated with the ability to move quickly between the floors of our brain. Sometimes though, we can get stuck, especially when there are strong and powerful feelings. Getting stuck is okay with joy and happiness; who would not want to be stuck there?! But it’s more difficult with negative feelings like disgust, fear and frustration. When pulled to the downstairs we might need help getting back to the thinking rational upstairs.

Here are some simple ideas to help you travel between the floors of your brain:

1)      Breathe slowly, as a way of slowing down feelings.

2)      Count slowly, and for each number become aware of each of your five senses. This can also slow things down and remind us that there is upstairs view to consider.

3)      Ask a friend or family-member to help slow us down and bring us back upstairs out of the swirl of strong feelings. They can best do this by understanding (which is not the same as agreeing with) our feelings, connecting to the emotions before trying to be rational. The downstairs brain does not like being belittled. Listening empathically to another person’s feelings is the best way to bring them to the stairs. Once there, a gentle nudge to the world of thinking. Like telling a story of how you once managed to deal with an emotional situation.

4)      DO NOT use problem-solving techniques, as problem-solving is the province of the upstairs brain. It is, therefore, not recommended as an immediate response to a child or person stuck in the feelings brain. Very often we jump to problem-solving before being ready. Emotions need to be respected as much as thoughts. Only when we are ready to be upstairs can we use problem solving techniques.

Even though there is little control of the basement of our brain, there are ways in which we can ensure that the foundations serve us well: physical activity; good sleep, appropriate nutrition; and allowing moments of just being in the world and not acting on it. Good foundations also help with managing the feeling and thinking brains.

It is important to understand that we – at any given moment -- can be located in different parts of the brain-house. In any particular situation we should try to know where we are, because this impacts how we are dealing with the world outside.  If downstairs, then feelings are in control, and we probably need help to move upstairs. If upstairs, then we are more likely to be thinking, which is okay when we have time to contemplate and postulate, but less helpful when getting out of the house in the morning.

Learning how to move up and down the floors of the brain takes practice, patience and awareness. Try to use this metaphor once a week at first, and begin to see how it helps shift your perspective.